I'm starting this blog to keep track of my internal evolution throughout the process of having a simple metoidioplasty. I haven't kept a journal in years, but I'm hoping that typing out some of my thoughts and feelings in the coming months will be a healthy outlet.
I also hope that this blog will be a resource for other folks considering simple metoidioplasty (aka simple meta). I plan to write detailed accounts of what I go through, with the hope that it will be helpful for others. There's a serious lack of firsthand information about simple meta, which was frustrating for me as I was researching my options. This blog is one way of holding myself accountable and practicing what I preach about being an out trans man - which for me, includes a personal commitment to sharing my experiences with others.
First off, some background info about my story... I'm a 25 year old trans man, and I identify as queer. I had top surgery and started testosterone in 2010. When I first started my transition, I went through a liberation phase of sorts - had a lot of sex, surrounded myself with queer-positive, body-positive folks, and just generally enjoyed being in a body that looked and felt so much more aligned with who I am internally. 99% of the time, my junk feels OK to me - and all of my sexual partners (past and present) have had nothing but positive reviews. I'm all about being empowered around having a trans body, and I take great joy in the changes my body has gone through on T. Getting hairier, having a more masculine build, and growing a nice little dick are all changes I've embraced.
Having any type of lower surgery wasn't a priority for me until about a year ago. It's only been recently that I considered it a possibility for a few reasons:
1. I'd never had dysphoria about my junk until recently-ish. In my evolution as a trans man, getting rid of my breasts, going through the changes associated with T, and dealing with life have taken up all of my energy. Worrying about what's in my pants didn't take up much space in my mind or heart because there were bigger things to deal with. Now that my body has settled into a balanced place with 3.5 years on T and a flat, manly chest, I want to address the incongruence I feel with my sexy little cock. To be clear: I like my junk as it is. To me, having a simple meta is just taking what's already there and making it even more awesome.
2. Cost. I'm lucky enough to have health insurance. However, none of my previous health insurance providers covered trans-related anything. In the past 6 months, I've been working at an organization that has a trans-inclusive health insurance policy, meaning my surgery will be covered 100%. At this point in time, it's pretty rare for that to happen. (I hope that I can look back at this blog a few years from now and say that things have changed significantly.) So, I'm using this opportunity to get my needs met.
3. I've always wanted babies. I plan to carry babies, since I have the organs and the body and the willpower to do so. My partner has known this since we started dating, and we've talked at length about the challenges and joys that will inevitably come with me being a pregnant trans man - and subsequently, a dad. We're getting married in August 2014 and we're still a few years off from starting a family, but I look forward to every part of that experience. Many of the options for lower surgery make it difficult or impossible to conceive, carry, and go through labor and delivery. Having a simple meta preserves my ability to have babies in the future, which makes me a happy camper!
Another important factor in my decision to have lower surgery is where I'm situated in life right now. I recently moved to California, where my partner and I have a stable, happy life. Having the emotional and physical support to go through surgery will make the experience that much more successful and smooth. I wouldn't consider going through something like this without the love, trust, and care of my intimate partner.
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